I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
