on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
