Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
