Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
