is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
