Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
