No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
