I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think my moral compass just broke
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
