Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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