Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
