I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize