speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize