I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
