She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
