Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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