he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
