we're blogging at a bar
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
