and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
