Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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