if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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