Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
