At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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