:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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