so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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