Dude my mom stole all your condoms
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
