I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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