i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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