i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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