Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
