That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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