its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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