You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
