She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
