UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
