My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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