You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
