I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
