Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
