You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
