i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
