this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
