But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
