Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize