she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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