New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
