i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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