some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
