She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
