It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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