that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
