i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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