she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
