two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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