Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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