I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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