If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize