im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
