Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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