I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
