Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
