Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
