my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
