Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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