We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
