Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
