Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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