if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
